


Monster (hell yeah bitch it looks epic and awesome but its even better just try)

by J_F_DragonfrostERERI01



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Sassy, Sex, Stupidity, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 16:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4067365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_F_DragonfrostERERI01/pseuds/J_F_DragonfrostERERI01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>epic meeting between humanity's hottest and humanity's favourite dork.<br/> typos are expressedly leaved , please dont comment the grammar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster (hell yeah bitch it looks epic and awesome but its even better just try)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nicol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicol/gifts), [pit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pit/gifts), [love you guys](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=love+you+guys).



random story :

 

this is my reserve fanfic , in case i need one but dont find a fitted story .  
idk how to call it yet tho so be indulgent poeple !   
anyways , lets start this shit .

lets call it "monster" .  
yeah that sounds epic.

 

MONSTER:  
hey , im Eren Yeager , im 16 and i have a stupid mop of brown hair on my head .   
my eyes are a crazy weird greenish-amberish coulour and they seem so fake most of my friends  
want to puke when they see them.   
idk why bruh , life is stoopid.

Anyways , imma tell you how i met some stupid auld wee shit called ravioli .  
(dont tell him i called him that , he migth kill me and kill you after).

Basically i was drinking some "monster energy drink" (im addicted to that shit bruh),  
walking troug the street like a random person , (with too much energy , i let you guess where it  
comes from) when i bumped into some random short person.

and i had a wrong reflex.

-Woooh ! watch out where you walk you hobbit !   
-excuse-me ?! 

then i looked down and knew i was hella fucked.  
like seriously , he migth be a hobbit but he was hot as fuck.

i looked him up and down and just , DAAAAAAMN !!!!!   
eyes like steel , raven jet black hair, porcelain white skin, thin firm lips, and oh damn those hands ....

you dont want me to start on his hands .

nor the rest of his entire self . 

like , i could talk for hours.

no kidding .

and that ass- lets get back to the point .

its when i looked him up and down that i noticed i had gave him a free "monster" shower .

-Did you just call me a hobbit ?

and wow that voice , it sounded like fucking melted chocolate if it was even possible .

NO KIDDING !!! 

-i-im so sorry sir i didnt mean to ! its the energy drank it makes me say nonsense ! see !?   
i'm saying nonsense again ! cuz ya migth be short but yer hot ye know !   
and when im stress i hav' a southern' accent see ?! can ya not slap me ass please ?!

i wanted to slap myself , he was staring as if i lacked braincells , wich i probably did.

-what the fuck are you talking about brat seriously ?   
-brat ?   
-you call me hobbit , i call you brat , were even . 

well that made sense .

-uhm okay ? im so sorry about your shirt thaugh ... can i help ?   
\- nah is fine ill clean it myself when i get home ...  
-you sure ? i can pay for the lavomatic ! 

i wanted him to keep talking okay ?! 

fucking hot voice dude....

-nah , lavomatic is never clean enough . besides i like cleaning .  
-ocd ?   
-kind of , thats what my friends say anyways .  
-you would have a nice time cleaning my room , its so messy ! 

wait did i just suggest him cleaning my room ?! what is he my maid ?!   
....  
nope ! dont think of that ! 

anyways , he isnt my cleaning slave ! what the fuck eren!?

-what the fuck ? he said , and i just bursted out laughing , i dont even know why.

good thing is , his poker face let apear a smirk.

and oooh i liked that a lot !   
did he even know how hot he even was !?   
if he did he was a sly bastard to use of his charms like that ! 

-hey what's your name ? 

sly bastard.

-well , do you know that jeans brand , levi's ?   
-yeah...  
-well seems like im a pair of pants.  
okay i bursted out laughing cause that was stupid but nicely found.

-levi ?   
-yup , levi ackerman, here to serve you.  
-ackerman ? do you know a girl called mikasa ?   
\- yeah it's my cousin , you know her ?   
-she's kind of my childhood friend , like a sister to me .   
i smiled . and he just nodded .   
\- so youre eren huh ? 

oh yes baby .

say my name say my name , when no one is around you ! say "baby i love you" ~

eren , go back to earth please ....

-yeah that's me ~ nice to meet you , me and my energy drank...  
-tch its fine , i guess we'll meet again soon so here .

he hands me a calling card .  
holy fuck .  
i got the sexy piece of ass his number .  
is it a real one ?! he isn't playing a trick on me is he ?!   
...  
its a real one . 

oh god please just take my virginity already !!

calm yo tits eren! speak ! 

-thanks , i hope ill see you soon , and if you need something just call me , ill help out , i owe you one !  
-sure will eren .   
oh god .  
he just winked .   
i am ready to die .  
if i seriously have a chance with humanity's hottest please dont kill me yet god !   
-by the way eren ?   
-huh ?   
-is that your real eye colour ?   
-yeah ...  
why lie ?   
\- it's beautiful ...

.....

*loading*   
wait .

what.

-huh?!   
-i never saw that colour , it's really outstanding....  
oh no ... please dont stare at me like that , im a really direct person ! i'm going to-  
-would you like to go out sometime ?   
good job eren .  
you obtained the stupidity medail .  
way to go you child ! 

 

shit he is staring again .

-how old are you eren ?   
shit.  
-uhm ... i'm 16 actually...  
again , why lie ? 

-hm ... saturday , here , 5:30 pm . dont be late . 

wait.....  
waiiiiiiit.....  
*eren.exe has stopped working*

-huh ?   
-if your late i'll beat your cute ass eren. bye.  
and he walked off .

just like that.

...

did i just-

did i just get a date with the sex god ? 

.....

HOLY SHITTING FUCK !!!!

okay , saturday is tomorow , imma go buy new stuff , just in case .. 

aaaaaaaaaaaaand that is basically what happened ! , yes i am a stupid fuck , but whan can i say ? 

APPARENTLY the stupid fuck got a date with Mr. sexy ! 

so lets skip to the fatal nigth (a.k.a. saturday 5:25 pm) , where i am impaciently waiting for my  
date to arrive. 

i was wearing a simple red button up shirt that i had kept open to show my "ACDC" shirt , wich was   
black with red lettertyping .  
my sleeves where pulled up till half of my forearms and i wore a fitted grey jeans and black converse.  
this pants gave me an amazing ass (just saying) and was just tigth enough*

-hey eren..

MELTED CHOCOLATE ALARM . CODE RED . CODE RED . S.O.S. S.O.S. !!!!

i turned around .  
-hey levi-...

 

oh god can you bless me more ? 

seriously , levi was hot , but god rigth now , he was pure sex.  
he walked to me , one hand in his pocket , the other in his hair , with that one smirk on his lips .

his normally spread near the middle undercut , had now all of his hair pushed on one side of  
his head .

he was wearing a tigth black pants and black closed button up that showed off just enough of his   
chest and neck , his leather boots making a low sound on the ground , the black contrasting   
so good with his just , creamy porcelain skin...

the fucking god of raw sex , the one that leaves you breathless , soaked , sore .  
the one where you beg for more again and again till you lose your voice and see stars ,

fucking came down on earth.

to go on a date.

with me .

PLEASE JUST TAKE ME .  
i migth look like a horny slut who only cares about his looks , but hey, if he's an asshole i leave dude.  
i dont care if he has a chocolate ass .

anyways , he just walked up to me like that and looked me up and down slowly.

-nice...   
he said in a whisper that i guess , i wasnt supposed to hear , but oh well~

we then walked to his motherfuckin bentley , and can this guy become more perfect?!

he opened the door for me .

the answer is "yes" ! 

he drove us to a nice small restaurant , wich was also a music bar , and we took a seat .

we talked a lot , laughed a lot too and i learned to know him better .

he was raised by his psychotic uncle and leaved the house when he was 18 and had his scolarities.  
he has a dog and likes tea, has ocd and wears glasses to read , likes rock and sometimes sings  
with friends , he is now art teacher , and all in all a really good guy , and fuck if i fell for him hard.

i told him about my dead mother , my father who died close after her in a car accident , my best  
friends and school .  
he is 27 and i was scared he would think i was to young , but he doesnt really mind.   
i am the s ame age as his students , when i asked him he simply responded : 

-love isnt a question of age , if i come to like you , its because of who you are , not how old you are.

 

i admit i blushed like a school girl , and of course he noticed . 

and he did the most amazing thing of the evening.

 

he reached out and took my hand.

i looked at our hands wide eyed and then up at him , before my gaze softened and i just smiled at him  
intertwining our fingers .

 

WAY TO GO EREN !!!! YOU MIGTH ACTUALLY GET HIS ASS !!!!  
aaaaaaaaaaaand i just ruinned the moment didn't i ? 

yup ! defenetely did ! 

i dont care im too happy ! 

he took his hand back when the waitress brougth the bill, and i insisted on paying my part but he said:

-hey, htis is a date okay ? i pay.

and i just-

-hahahaaahaaaaohohhohoooookaaaaayyyyy....

*facepalm*

WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. WRONG. WITH. MY. HEAD?????

but he smiled.  
okay  
okay  
okay  
okay  
nothing's wrong.

the evening ended and as we got back in the car he asked me my adress.  
he braugth me back home , then to my porchstep, and when i turned around to say goodbie ...

well i didn't say anything, and we just stood like that .  
AWKWAAAAARD!!!

but finally, he looked up at me , took a step closer and-

got on one knee ????

 

WAIT IM NOT READY TO MARRY THIS IS GOING TOO-

oh.

he is lacing his shoes.

............................................

 

EREN YOU DUMB FUCK è-è !!!!!

 

okay, he stood up again and!-

-well, sleep well eren...

he turned.  
and leaved.   
and got in his car.  
and leaved.

....

and i slapped my head on the door.

WHY. DIDNT. YOU. KISS. HIM. YOU. IDIOT????

wait.

WHY DIDNT HE KISS ME THE MORON ?????  
AM I THAT UNATRACTIVE ????? (wOAO)w   
DOES MY BREATH STINKS?????   
WAS HIS FAVOURITE SONG ON THE RADIO IN HIS CAR ???  
i bet the douche is now dancing on "single ladies"...

 

 

what an ass.

 

i entered my house again but five minutes after i closed the door the bell rang.

 

i opened it and-

huh? 

wha-

okay eren, think , you do have a brain, rigth ? brain helpes eren find words.

okay, levi, yes , that's one word.   
GOOD JOB BRAIN!  
okay, here. levi is here .  
okay we are making progress...

lips, thats a good one , nice !  
his , his lips, okay where ? 

 

on mine.

 

levi is kissing me. 

 

...............................................................................................................

HOLYFUCKINGSHITHEISKISSINGMEOHMYGODYESFINALLYMYBREATHDOESNTSTINK!!!!!

 

fuck you single ladies. 

oh wait ! he's pulling back !  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!

-wha- di- did you just- your- on my- you weren't-............HEEEEEEEEEEEEEH ?????

-in order : i kissed you, yes i did just kiss you, yes that means my lips on yours,   
no i wasn't gone yet and............ i saw you slapping youre head on the door.

i blushed like a freaking tomato at that.

-i was hesitating , i taugth maybe it was too soon , but i saw you actually did want it so i came back.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!

-oh.

...

 

may i slap myself rigth now ? 

-yeah.......you....did where slapping youre head for that reason rigth ? 

-well actually i was for three reasons ; it feels funny and i like it , i regretted our date and i forgot my   
keys so tried to open the door with my head.

smooth eren , smooth.

-what ? 

-and when i close my eyes its because i like looking at the insides of my eyelids.

oh even smoother ! great ! 

-eren what the fuck .  
-what you ask stupid questions, so i give stupid answers ! 

he stared at me and suddenly his lips pinched each other till he bursted out laughing.

and GOOOOOOOOOOOD JUST FUCK ME ALREADY !!!  
even if you laugh all the whyle its fine !!!!

but i wanted him to shut up this time. 

so i grabbed his shirt and crashed my lips onto his.  
he pushed a bit on me and i pulled him inside , closing the door behind us.

ANNNND BACK TO THE PRESENT!!! 

seriously, i am so. fucking. tired.

i wasnt kidding when i said the guy was the god of sex.

i just got proof and just.... just...

-.....wow...

he was next to me , his head resting in his hand , pushing himself up on his elbow.

-yeah...i could say the same...

i was sweating and panting like a dog,my cheeks red and wet with pleasure tears,throat raw from   
screaming his name so much, and fuck i swear im seeing stars.

seriously, he did it all.  
hickeys, blowjob, fingering, rimming, kissing, and of course, ....the rest.

it was....  
-that was so fucking good....i cant believe you have dick piercings....

yes.  
he had that too.  
and one on his tongue.

this dude was perfection.

-yeah best love i've ever had.... he whispered and god that was good...  
-godness levi....i swear to god i coudn't have wished for another first time....this was so fucking  
perfect....

where did he even knew all those positions from ?!

dear fucking lord....

-I'm happy i was your first...  
i turned and snugled up to him , tracing random patterns on his abs...

YES THE GUY HAD THE MOST PERFECT TONNED BODY AND ABS I HAD EVER SEEN !!!!

LIKE WTF HE WAS SO FUCKING RIPPED HE LOOKED LIKE A GREEK GOD !!!!

-yeah me too...

we kissed lazily till we both fell asleep.

...........

And then , next morning i woke up.  
next to levi.  
naked.  
in my bed.  
holding me.  
and i was naked.  
in my bed.  
with levi.

......

 

WOW-i can get used to this !

now let's skip a bit okay? 

*skipping to five years later*

-hey honey!!!!  
-yeah baby?  
-want a coffe whyle youre working?   
-sure thanks....

Hey this time it's me , Levi.  
so eren and i have been together for five years now, and i-

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!!!

he comes.

-LEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!  
eren opened (bursted) the door and entered (savagely) into the room.

-levi what is this ?   
-whats what?   
-around my favourite spoon.  
i turned to him and took the ring, before smiling.

-c'mo, baby you know what this is.  
i kneeled in front of him and held it out, taking his hand.

-eren, will you marry me ? 

he stared at me mouth agape before , ....  
exiting the room ?   
he came back with a can of "monster" and threw it over my head.

-YES YOU DICK !!!!!

He laughed and embraced me , wich i was all to happy with because i love this weirdo.

I love my monster boyfriend.

I love my monster husband.

I love my monster Erne.

I love my monster ravioli.

We love our monster princess ; Andy.

 

 

-monster ; the end-

 

 

.....................  
............  
.  
.  
..............

...........

 

ITS DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE ???????????????????  
XD

**Author's Note:**

> see you next guys ! leave a coment its higly apreciated !


End file.
